One word...actually, a combination of two.....HORMOTIONAL.
Hate it. Right now as I sit on my bed, all I want to do is go to sleep and wake up in a different place, different time, different body....anything, just different. I'm not sure exactly what any of that means, but if I could describe the feeling it would be this:
Imagine just unzipping yourself. Unzipping the drab, worn out, blah, sort of "dragging-your-feet-because-you-feel-the-weight-of-the-world-on-your-shoulders" you, and then stepping out of that old skin a new, vibrant, sort of "whistling-a-happy-tune-spring-in-your-step" you. Sounds wonderful doesn't it?
My very wise, big sister Katie once expressed that there must be some purpose for Heavenly Father allowing us [women] to endure being hormotional. I believe he would never make us suffer for no reason. Perhaps it's part of what happened when Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden...not only will fruit no longer spontaneously grow, there will be noxious weeds, AND every 28 days you will feel as though you've lost your mind! Perhaps it's another lesson in humility, a not-so-subtle reminder of how much we need Him. In any case, I clearly haven't learned whatever it is that I need to learn and it's driving me bonkers.
I find myself keenly aware of my insecurities. I find my mind filled with thoughts about my looks, or work, or boys, etc. Last month it was politics! I mean, really? Whatever it is, I feel terribly insecure about it and almost can't think of anything else. Am I the only one this happens too?
What's really bothering me this time is this...
I went on a blind date with a really cute guy last night. Did the post-date-text thing (which I NEVER do). Regret it. Saw him at a wedding reception tonight. Talked to him. Felt like a foreigner in my own body. Spent the entire drive home trying to stifle all the negative thoughts involving why this cute guy would never like me anyway (enter insecurities)....yada, yada, yada.
Bottom line: I'm exhausted! and SO BUGGED because I know perfectly well that in a week, I'm....gonna...feel....fine. In the meantime, I apologize for my rantings.
I understand if I don't hear from any of you until next Weds.