Thursday, March 24, 2011

In every girl there is a little "crazy"...here's mine

Today is one of those days I'm really glad boys don't read my blog and is another one of those days I really "dislike" being a girl.

One word...actually, a combination of two.....HORMOTIONAL.

Hate it. Right now as I sit on my bed, all I want to do is go to sleep and wake up in a different place, different time, different body....anything, just different. I'm not sure exactly what any of that means, but if I could describe the feeling it would be this:

Imagine just unzipping yourself. Unzipping the drab, worn out, blah, sort of "dragging-your-feet-because-you-feel-the-weight-of-the-world-on-your-shoulders" you, and then stepping out of that old skin a new, vibrant, sort of "whistling-a-happy-tune-spring-in-your-step" you. Sounds wonderful doesn't it?

My very wise, big sister Katie once expressed that there must be some purpose for Heavenly Father allowing us [women] to endure being hormotional. I believe he would never make us suffer for no reason. Perhaps it's part of what happened when Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden...not only will fruit no longer spontaneously grow, there will be noxious weeds, AND every 28 days you will feel as though you've lost your mind! Perhaps it's another lesson in humility, a not-so-subtle reminder of how much we need Him. In any case, I clearly haven't learned whatever it is that I need to learn and it's driving me bonkers.

I find myself keenly aware of my insecurities. I find my mind filled with thoughts about my looks, or work, or boys, etc. Last month it was politics! I mean, really? Whatever it is, I feel terribly insecure about it and almost can't think of anything else. Am I the only one this happens too?

What's really bothering me this time is this...
I went on a blind date with a really cute guy last night. Did the post-date-text thing (which I NEVER do). Regret it. Saw him at a wedding reception tonight. Talked to him. Felt like a foreigner in my own body. Spent the entire drive home trying to stifle all the negative thoughts involving why this cute guy would never like me anyway (enter insecurities)....yada, yada, yada.

Bottom line: I'm exhausted! and SO BUGGED because I know perfectly well that in a week, I'm....gonna...feel....fine. In the meantime, I apologize for my rantings.

I understand if I don't hear from any of you until next Weds.

6 comments:

The Cooper's said...

I love reading your blog Shanna. You are so dang cute and just know that you are not alone!

Lacey said...

Shan...I love you girl. I can completely empathize with you, I have the same issues. Thank you for having the courage to put it into words. You are amazing. Hang in there! And can we please, Please, PLEASE get together for a girls night soon?

Jessie said...

Oh yeah, I relate to this for sure! Add to it the hating of all things non-female, and then living with 4 boys - and that's me! Those poor boys become my enemies for a few days each month. It's irrational and unfair. I hate it. I think there must be a reason too, because it becomes acutely obvious when living with all boys, that girls have like 27 hormones to deal with and they have like 3. It seems unfair, but there must be some reason...someday we'll find out, right? I hope so. It would be nice to clear my conscience of a few things...

I loves ya!

Allison said...

Well I wish I could tell you it gets better. . .but you know me and know that that would be a lie. :) You're the best! Don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Charlotte Lundell said...

I've been there recently. I commonly go in my closet and lie on the floor and cry 'til I'm tired enough to fall asleep and slip into unawareness of all the feelings that make me loathe life. OR I take a hot shower and cry for a while in there. I do feel bad for us girls and almost equally bad for boys who are so ill-equipped to deal with and understand these meaningless outbursts.

The Felds said...

Shanna-banana-Taggart! You are back to blogging?! I love and miss you like crazy girlfriend :) I'm sorry about the hormotionalness you've been going through.. it sucks I wish there were something I could do dang it! Just know that I love you will all of my heart :)